Not a member?
JOIN HERE
Find and click on your name.

PROFILE UPDATES


•   Virginia Hardy (McKnight)  12/16
•   Joe Sherriff  12/3
•   Phyllis Schneider (Witt)  10/30
•   Donald Crawford (Crawford)  9/19
•   Barbara Fruit (McGinnis)  4/12
•   LeRoy Wiedeman  12/17
•   Ned Ruybal  9/11
•   Holly Lowder (Lowder)  7/25
•   Charles Asay  5/21
•   Larry Cox  5/8
Show More

Alamosa High School
Class Of 1960

December 2018

Warmest wishes of the season and for the year to come, Classmates, with thoughts from fellow classmates as to:

 

What makes a lasting and happy marriage?

 

As we reach into our late 70s, I (Ann Garretson Marshall) am struck almost daily with the treasure chest of  wisdom and experiences we have accumulated in our collective lives—yours, mine, and those of all our classmates.

For example, I’m sure we’ve all learned a few things about the ingredients of a happy or lasting marriage—regardless of whether we’ve been married for half a century (or more) to one person or several, or maybe not married at all. We can learn a lot from successes, mistakes, and simple observation, right?

I recently asked several classmates to share their tips for a successful marriage. Here’s what Donald Crawford, Joe Sherriff, and Chuck and Marge Asay said, along with a few of my own thoughts:

Is holding hands a good indicator? Donald Crawford’s thoughts:

I am often surprised at how many people ask me what it takes for a long marriage.  Jana and I have been out having dinner, and we go to pay our bill and find that someone has paid for our food and drink.

I know that when we are out walking or entering a store or restaurant that I tend to walk faster than Jana so to speed her up and slow me down I take hold of her hand and we walk together.

What you are asking for will take some thought and I have discussed your idea with Jana so hopefully we can give you our take from two viewpoints.

By the way, my short answer is usually “don’t take your spouse for granite and let them know where you are if you are going to be late.”


Clearly, those two radiate a happiness that moves independent observers to "pay tribute" to them as a couple. Wow. And in the meantime, Donald and Jana have come up with two additions: a great capsule of wisdom (in a short video) on what makes a great marriage, plus a rollicking story, which I’m saving for the end. In the meantime, read on for more thoughts from Donald in addition to those above.

So what does it take to have a successful marriage? More of Donald’s thoughts:


I met Johanna (Jana) Clark while she was going to school in Greeley, Colorado, and I was at Adams State. Jana graduated from Delta HS, Delta, CO in the class of 1961. One of her classmates, Nan Adams, was attending Adams State and decided that Jana and I would make a great couple, so arranged for us to meet when we were on a trip to Denver and then Greeley. For me, it was love at first sight. Not so much for Jana. Fortunately, she finally decided I wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

So, what do two people do that are going to different schools 300 miles apart with limited time and financial resources? We wrote letters, not little one-page things once a week but seven- or eight-page letters, one or more times a day. Talk about writers’ cramps, lol. The first two years we saw each other in person only a few times, so the letters were our venue to get to know each other. It worked well for us, we think.

We married in August of 1963, and Jana transferred to Adams State. We graduated in 1965 and moved to Seattle, WA area, Jana to teach—and me?  I finally went to work as a draftsman, which progressed through the years into electrical engineering. In 1967, we moved to Albuquerque where we spent the next 51 years, and now, we are in Mesa, AZ. Our moves to Seattle, then Albuquerque, and finally to Mesa have placed us in situations where we had to rely on each other until we could develop a network of new friends. Each time we had to reconfirm each other as friends, and as a result, we rarely go our separate ways.  We enjoy each other’s company and do almost everything together.

We lived 51 years in Albuquerque and were blessed to have a very strong church family to help us over the challenging times. In 1999 we were part of the launch team for Hope in the Desert Episcopal church and served as co-directors for the Altar Guild. As a church family, all with immense faith in our Lord and Savior, we took care of and supported each other.


Joe Sherriff: Faith, and agreeing with your wife!

Tips for a happy marriage: “Keep God in your marriage and always agree with your wife. Looking back at the circumstances that brought Connie and I together, I can only believe God was involved.  With all the ups and downs that happen, it is faith in God that gives us faith in each other as we move along.


Married 52 years . . . he’s keeping it short and to the point!


Chuck and Marge (Curtis) Asay: His and her perspectives

Thoughts about marriage from Chuck: 

Some of us in the class of ’60 have been married a long time…and love it.  Some of us wonder whether we made the right decision.  Some of us who have had a divorce (or two), feel like we have escaped a bad thing.  

I don’t believe the length of a marriage necessarily proves it’s a good or bad thing.  We all have had different experiences since 1960 and have resolved them in different ways; sometimes we have used bad judgment, sometimes we have experienced a bit of luck, and sometimes we have been blessed out of God's grace.  These are very different things.  

Marge and I have been married since 1964.  What is that…54 years??  

I don’t see our journey in marriage as a matter of luck or planning, I see it as a matter of grace.  I figure God has kept us together for a reason.  It was not a matter of my doing, or Marge’s doing.  It was a matter of the grace of God.

As all our classmates know, Marge is a smart cookie and me….not so much.  Marge is realistic.  I’m sort of a clown (but a clown with a purpose). 

She is very forward-looking.  I am a more of a spur-of-the moment person.  I go with the flow and take risks while Marge is more cautious.  Isn’t that the way you remember us?  

Somehow, even back in the 60’s, I thought Marge would be a very suitable match for me…even though I was dating other people at the time... (like you, Ann). Marge had all the stuff I lacked. 

There were other differences between us. I had confidence in my good intentions, and thought everything would turn out OK.  Marge thought planning and good decision-making would determine the result.  

We have been blessed to have a good marriage, I believe.  I appreciate and love Marge now more than I did when we were married.  I think she kind of likes me also.  Somehow it has worked out but I think both of us of would say it wasn’t OUR doing…it was the Grace of God.  We’ve had many “adventures" along the way.  We didn’t ignore these adventures, but went through them together. 

My marriage advice is this:  Marriage means you no longer have your agenda.  It means your spouse no longer has her (or his) agenda.  Marriage means both should agree on OUR agenda.  It takes work.  It takes compromise and sometimes it takes some time to figure all this out. 

* * * * *

Thoughts about marriage from Marge:  

I agree with everything Chuck said, and would add a few additional points that I think are crucial in a marriage:  a good sense of humor, lots of prayer, and perseverance (never give up!). 

That’s about it, for now.  Love y’all. Chuck and Marge


I’m glad to see Marge and I share this emphasis on a sense of humor. In fact, I’ve seen it in action with them, like the time Chuck told a bunch of us the tale about when Marge sent him to the store for a bottle of fabric softener, which he could not bring home! It was an important, life-changing moment, yet he had us all splitting our sides with laughter as he told us how and why he could NOT pick up that bottle of softener and bring it home. Even Marge, who needed that darn fabric softener, was chuckling. Ah, but that's a story for another day . . .


And from me, Ann (Garretson) Marshall: A few practical tips

My “tips for a good marriage” zing through my mind at odd moments, and if I’m quick enough, I capture a few of them before they zip past. I’ve listed some things that are important for me. They may or may not be the same for others. Here goes:

  • A sense of humor. Everyone makes mistakes. You can laugh about them, cry about them, get mad about them, or ignore them. Laughing is the most fun, the most therapeutic, and the most endearing. Think back on your biggest family blooper. If you eventually found a way to laugh together about it, you may have a candidate for an item of family lore to entertain yourselves into the future, especially at reunions. A sense of humor has always been at the top of my list as being important in any relationship, clear back to high school (when I wanted to date Charles, now Chuck) The importance of a sense of humor in our marriage and our lives has extended through my parenting and professional years to this day.
  • Shared values. Whether it’s politics, religion, money, children, food, fun, or something else, it’s really helpful if you both agree on whatever are the “important” things in life. The others have spoken of the importance of religion in their marriages, so I’ll mention a couple other values that can have a big impact on a marriage: First, if one of you is a spendthrift and the other a saver, you could be “buying” trouble. Or, if one of you likes to hang out at the bar and the other likes to go hiking in the mountains, something’s got to give. The potential list could be very long, and it will likely differ from couple to couple. The main thing is to agree, together, on what is important to the both of you.
  • Flexibility and respect. So, what happens if you don’t agree on some important things? That’s where flexibility and respect come in. A Christian-Muslim union? A Tea-party Republican and a Progressive Democrat? An insatiable carnivore and a SPCA vegan? Both partners in a marriage should have the flexibility to pursue their own beliefs or preferences—at the same time they respect, and are willing to support—the other partner’s commitment to the opposite belief or preference.
  • Equitability—without keeping score. For me, it’s important not to keep score on who does more work around the house, who earns more money, who carries the larger burden of childcare, or who got the last piece of apple pie. I try to think in terms of overall equitability, whether it’s about work or play or food. This applies to sharing decision-making fairly, avoiding the trap of taking turns, as in, “You got to decide where we go on vacation; it’s my turn to choose our new car!” That kind of equitability might not turn out well. And speaking of sharing, make sure you carve out and share time together, to enjoy each other’s company.
  • Attentiveness, and good listening. Pay attention to your spouse, and remember and act on what she or he says. If your spouse doesn’t like surprises, don’t throw a surprise birthday party. Instead, ask what would be the best way to celebrate that upcoming birthday—then show that you listened!

I’m sure other thoughts will continue to zip through my brain, but let’s hear from you, our other classmates. What advice would you pass on to others about success in marriage? Click on the Message Forum in the navigation bar at the left and post your answers there.


And now, for the promised finale from Donald’s Facebook page on marriage (warning, it’s a double-header). First, click on this video (in the blue text), which he posted on Facebook: 

And then enjoy a good laugh from another of Donald’s Facebook posts, below.


“Sunday Morning Sex”

“Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh, no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time the best time to do it was when the church bells started to ring. It was just the right rhythm.  Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along."

“If you do not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed. Make a doctor’s appointment. I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.”


With that, what else can be said?

How about Merry Christmas to all . . . and to all a Good Night!

Ann (Garretson) Marshall

Christmas Eve, 2018




Lest we forget, thank you to the
veterans of the AHS Class of 1960. (Follow the link.)

 

 


For previous posts, and offers to be the NEXT Moose-on-the-Loose, click on The Class Blog.


If you'd like to comment on the blogs, go to Message Forum and let us know what you think.